Chandeleah

Cheer Up Charlie

May 17th, 2012 at 6:11 am . Posted in Travel Tales .

I’d like to think of my self as a pretty positive person – but right now, I’m the most miserable person around. I actually hate being around myself, I’m that bad.

London so far has not been kind to us. I know, I know – everyone tells you its tough to start with. But seriously? Every day I wake up wanting to leave, to get on a plane and go home – to a place where I can get offered numerous jobs, my qualifications and experience mean something, to a place where getting a flat that isn’t a dirty hole isn’t that hard.

I’m struggling to stay at home, locked inside and trawl through job site after job site after job site. Nothing excites me, but I’ve been applying for tonnes because “it’s not about finding my dream job anymore, its about survival”. Even this thought depresses me – isn’t that why I spent a year being free, to discover who I am and what I wanted to do? The rejection emails are coming thick and fast too – I swear they don’t even read my application before hitting the auto response.

I alternate between freaking out about finding a job, and freaking out about finding somewhere to live. The dream flat that we thought we had found days after arriving has been a sham, nothing but a 5 week waste of time with a bunch of money tied up in it. I’ve resigned myself to starting from scratch, but the options aren’t great – out of our price range, out of the areas we need to be in, or just down right disgusting. I’m such a homebody that my living space makes a HUGE difference to me – and all I see is cramped, grotty misery ahead.

Physically – I’ve had bad IBS since we landed here (the food, or the putrid tasting water, or something is just NOT agreeing with me), migraines, my grey hair came back through the hair dye faster than ever, and possibly the worst is the insomnia. I’ve been lying wide awake at 3 in the morning stressing about where we are going to live, what we are going to do, how we will pay back the mounting debts. Is this all worth it? Why are we doing this to ourselves? Will we ever get back on our feet? Needless to say there a certain strain on our relationship right now too.

I’m being encouraged to “enjoy” this time off – but when you literally haemorrhage money every time you step out of the house, it makes you think twice about doing anything fun. Or do anything at all really. And who am I to go out spending money doing touristy things, or having lunch or coffee – when Jase is at work every day, earning that money I am spending? (the ONLY thing that’s going right at the moment is his job. The 2 hour commute he has to endure each way from our temporary accommodation? Not so good).

I know we have so much support, so many people wishing us well – and that this surely can only be one of those times and the only way is up and things will get better (how many more cliches can I pop in here?!) – but right now its hard to focus on the sun (especially seeing as London is choosing to be at its general grey rainy dreary best).

I don’t want sympathy or kind words – I just want ACTION, or CHANGE, or SOMETHING TO GO RIGHT. A PLACE TO LIVE, A GLIMMER OF HOPE ON THE JOB FRONT, anything….something.

Tomorrow is a new day and all that, so I’ll pick myself up, slap on a smile and…

…start all over again.

*please don’t comment and tell me it will get better, I’m likely to either rip your head off or go and cry in the shower. Both are regular occurrences right about now

10 Comments ( Reply )

Colleen Pugh
May 17, 2012 @ 8:21 am

Moving to London is really hard what you said is very true and it’s good to read an honest account. I’m sure you know this but I think you have maybe hit London at the worse time it’s a packed city at the best of times and must be going through a huge influx with the Olympics just round the corner. It’s a shame you sound like you’re fixed in London as London is a bitch of a city if things aren’t going right. There are many amazing and not so over populated cities in the UK. I’m from Bristol a 1.30 hour train ride away from London and it has most of the cool but way less of the stress. Brighton is also amazing and in easy reach of the big smoke. The job thing is also hard I went through the same thing when I came to NZ I swear they see over seas and hit delete. It took my 3 months to get the right job but in my frustration of job hunting I set up my own business, which was the best move I made in whole life. I ended up getting a good job with good people but though word of mouth. I’m not very well connected in London but I have a couple of friends who are I’ll put a couple of feelers out and pass on any leads.

Reply
- leahevansnz
  May 23, 2012 @ 2:11 am
  
  It’s hard moving to any new place – I remember it being hard in Vancouver too. I was surprised you had trouble in New Zealand as I would like to think we are very accommodating of foreigners – but maybe not so much! Sorry to hear that you struggled – but look at the amazing work you have done with your business since! Thanks hun xx
  
  Reply
Rachel
May 17, 2012 @ 6:17 pm

Don’t live in London is my advice – I dont know why you would considering Jase’s job sounds like it is not there!

I lived in Cambridge and Peterborough in my two years in the UK and I am glad! More opportunity, cheaper rent – and easy access to London whenever I wanted.

Best of luck!

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- leahevansnz
  May 23, 2012 @ 2:13 am
  
  Jase’s job is in Milton Keynes – so not much better. The job opportunities for me up there are even less than in London, so if we did move there to live it is more than likely I would have to commute in to the big smoke. Ugh, couldnt think of anything worse!
  
  Cambridge sounds lovely though! If we weren’t tied to a job then I think we may have looked elsewhere!
  
  Reply
  - Rachel
    May 24, 2012 @ 1:42 pm
    
    I found that cities outside London were much easier to get jobs in. I started my search while living in Surrey and the best thing I did was move somewhere else.
    
    And MK isn’t that bad – there are surrounding, easily commutable cities nearby that you could also be looking in. I guess I never understood the drive that every Kiwi had to be in London.
    
    Reply
Sara
May 18, 2012 @ 8:52 am

I’ve heard that London can be tough for flat hunting, sounds horrible Leah. Any chance you are considering temp work? When I arrived in NZ, I was told that if I had an NZ referee or any job experience, it would help NZ companies take me seriously… not sure if that’s the same attitude in London. My Kiwi mate lived in London for a year and had good temping roles. I’m sure you’re looking everywhere and anywhere. I’m job searching too, left my role a week back and on holiday, but stressing a bit myself! Hang in there, and it’s noon somewhere so enjoy a cocktail.

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- leahevansnz
  May 23, 2012 @ 2:14 am
  
  I’m trying for temp work, for short contracts – for literally anything right now! I have extensively tried contacting nearly 17 recruiters and heard from one, so I am sure you can see my frustration haha!
  
  Cocktails are always the answer my friend! Enjoy your holiday xx
  
  Reply
Bettina S
May 22, 2012 @ 11:15 pm

I stumbled upon your lovely blog though twitter and all I can say, that post matched my current London experience 90%. I have lived in Oz for the last 2 years and settling into London sounded like a grand idea last year, sicne I always loved this city. But I can say now, I cannot live here. I have had a job since the beginning, but going through the daily commuting hell… not so grand. Looking for a nice, affordable room in a nice shared house… quite the challenge. Not quite succeeded on that one. I had suffered major adjustment, the air, the water, the food… I have now quite a lot of food intolerances since I moved here, I have had major skin problems and often major headaches! Basically my quality of life just dropped a lot, therefore I decided to move on. Resigned from my job end of June and leaving. I will come back for visits, I know, as I said, I love this city.

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- leahevansnz
  May 23, 2012 @ 2:16 am
  
  Hi Bettina,
  So nice to have some new readers – and I am glad I didn’t scare you away by my truthful post! It seems that a lot of people coming to the UK experience these frustrations (I didn’t even mention the whole trying to get a bank account thing!).
  
  Interesting that you suffered health wise as well – I think we have been used to a really high quality of life in New Zealand, and even in Canada when we were on a pittance of a wage – and its hard to adjust here! Oh well, I am hoping that the trips away to Europe will make up for it.
  
  Good on you for making the right decision for yourself, and good luck with your move home!
  
  Reply